Dear Mr. Leverage,

It has been brought to my attention that you have not read my resume yet. I understand that you have approximately 512 resumes to sift through, and this my friend is a daunting task.

You can read reviews of my resume on both Yelp and CNet and you will clearly see that not only will it bring you proverbial happiness, but I am the ideal candidate for approximately 12% of the open job positions on God's green earth.

If you cannot decode my resume I urge you to use the glasses I supplied you with. I took the liberty of putting them in the glove compartment of your car.

Sincerely,
WHAT THE FUCK

Potato Champion

Category: Food Stands
Neighborhoods: Southeast Portland, Central Eastside

8/27/2009

Okay poutine, yeah great fucking idea. Here is the thing. I pissed in the potato pile.

Fred Meyer

Categories: Department Stores, Grocery
Neighborhoods: Southeast Portland, Hawthorne

8/27/2009

I have done some serious research into who "Fred Meyer" actually is. His original name was William Hoffman. He was of Nazi descent and applied many of the same principles to his stores. Needless to say I will never shop here again, but if you don't mind this fact, Fred Meyer has some great deals.

Domino's Pizza

Category: Ethnic Food

8/27/2009

I kept tipping this young delivery boy a lot... one day I decided to go in to see him in his element. I was very turned on. I offered to pay him 300 dollars to let me make love to him in the back room.

He agreed.

Hollywood Video

Category: Videos and Video Game Rental
Neighborhoods: Southeast Portland, Hawthorne

8/27/2009

R aging good movies.
A wesomee titles
P erfect service
E very day this place is open usually.

T aco truck next store.
H enry is the manager
E arl is a new employee

E ither I am gay or you are
M any people are in here all the time
P lenty of people rent videos here
L over's rent ROMCOM's
O thello is a movie you can rent from this place
Y es I rent movies more than once a week
E ye spit on your grave is a gross movie
E xciting new releases
S ay thank you when renting more than one movie.

Oasis Cafe

Category: Pizza
Neighborhoods: Southeast Portland, Hawthorne

2/2/2010

This place has greasy ass mediocre pizza.

Their prices for gluten free pizza are absolutely ridicolous.

Shutup.

The Gun Room

Neighborhood: Southeast Portland

2/2/2010

Woah people who really use guns use yelp?

Weird.

I went in this place. They told my girlfriend she would get tied up and raped and they would do it on front of me.

She even requested that he not finish telling the gruesome story, but he did.