Dear Mr. Leverage,

It has been brought to my attention that you have not read my resume yet. I understand that you have approximately 512 resumes to sift through, and this my friend is a daunting task.

You can read reviews of my resume on both Yelp and CNet and you will clearly see that not only will it bring you proverbial happiness, but I am the ideal candidate for approximately 12% of the open job positions on God's green earth.

If you cannot decode my resume I urge you to use the glasses I supplied you with. I took the liberty of putting them in the glove compartment of your car.

Sincerely,
WHAT THE FUCK